Before writing this, I had every intention of writing about erect nipples.

I finally watched the movie Zombieland, and all I can think is how fucking disappointed I am that I don't know how to shoot a gun. I would die if there was a mass zombie overlord. What really sucks about dying in that manner however, is that it wouldn't be epic or even memorable. You see, everyone would succumb to death by zombie. Despite how grotesque of a way that is to go, it just doesn't matter at that point. No one alive will mention that Amanda Lomeli was eaten to death, bones licked clean, by flesh hunting monsters because John Smith, Bryan Jones, and Katie Hall will all have died in the same way. So here is what I would do if zombies really did take over the world: Since I am going to die anyway due to my lack of gun skills, I will eat my own arms and legs off while my mind is still semi-sane in hopes that other humans or human-ishes will cross my path to see it and say, "The bitch is onto something here." And when they get to where ever the fuck the little safe zone is that is supposedly "zombie free" that they have in all zombie movies (except Zombieland) they will all remember and tell tales of seeing a human bitch eating the shit out of herself just to spite the goddamn zombies that didn't get to do it.